WHY explore SEXUALITY? Where to start?
Like so many, you might notice that you have a desire to explore sexually, but you're not sure if it is worth while for you. Even if you are aware of the Spiritual, Mental and Physical benefits, you probably have felt unsure what to do or where to start. If you relate, this post is for you!
Lets talk about something sexy for a bit!
When I say ‘sexuality’ or even ‘sex’, I do not restrict this to penetration or even to genital play. I believe that our sexuality is much more complex than a set of genitals.
So why might we want to we explore sexuality? Lets come up with a couple reasons to start, and if you relate to them, read on! If not, then maybe exploring sexuality isn’t your thing right now and THAT IS OKAY TOO!
WHY EXPLORE SEXUALITY:
I used to feel so embarrassed and even ashamed of wanting to feel pleasure. I’m slowly teaching myself that I am safe to feel good, and that feeling good is actually a deeply spiritual and potentially healing experience!
Let me clarify that I do not mean my superficial desires like: 'This brownie is delightful!' The deeper desire is to feel good in our bodies and to be healthy…so the desire for the treat is trumped by my desire to be healthy (a gluteny sugary brownie would make me personally feel sick).
Our desires are our GUIDANCE SYSTEM in this life! When something brings deep and lasting joy, pleasure, fulfillment, love, or any other good feeling emotions, then we know that it is GOOD FOR US, and has the power to HEAL.
I truly believe that simply in FEELING GOOD, we can reclaim our lives and learn to enjoy life fully and deeply. I also believe that hen we feel good is also when we are the most aligned with our highest Self: the version of ourselves that we truly are and deeply desire to be.
Another reason to explore sexuality is to learn about WHO WE ARE.
Sexuality is deeply rooted in my sense of identity. When we explore sexuality, we learn about our sense of ‘self’!
This is HUGE. Anyone with an interest in growing in understanding themselves will find answers and ideas within their sexuality that dig to the DEEPEST parts of their healing and identity. For example, many of us have healing to do around LOVE, TRUST, or SURRENDER.
Our sexuality is one of the greatest tools in the practice of surrendering to DIVINE LOVE. This is what we may call "Alignment," "Joy," "Love," or "Orgasm," or "Heaven on Earth", and it requires self love and trust in ourselves and others! If I can learn to love my body, to feel pleasure with her, in her, for her, then I can apply this practice of loving myself to everything else as well.
What and incredibly powerful and fun way to practice spirituality through simple bodily pleasure! Our brains are hardwired as an animal instinct to want pleasure. Body pleasure is one of the fastest and most fun ways to heal our fears and resistances to love, trust, and surrender!
WHERE DO I START?
Let me break this down into 2 categories:
1. Things we know: Likes, dislikes, preferences, extreme turn-ons, turn-offs, and major 'O' inducers.
This category works perfectly with the analogy of 2 boxes. We like to know these things clearly and then to wrap them up in a pretty box.
Our favourite box is a pretty one with a bow just for the things we WANT and LOVE, and we might open this one often.
The second box contains the things we don’t like, or the things we think we don’t like but haven’t actually tried, the things which we are terrified to admit we might like (did someone say spankings?)
2. Things we don’t know: The hard to explain, the blind spots, and the fragmented pieces of ourselves.
Outside of our neat and tidy boxes are entire worlds of ideas, sensations, and turn-ons which we don’t even know exist. When we haven’t thought of, been exposed to, or tried something, we can’t know what it feels like. This means that we often feel confused or overwhelmed about anything that is outside of our nice boxes.
Some of these things we know exist but haven't experienced personally. We will likely have limited language for these things.
How to explain or voice what we desire when we don’t know anything about it, is like asking a blind man to describe colour. We can be challenging to explain or even imagine something we don’t know yet.
Back to our original question of where to start: Begin with something that FEELS GOOD! If you are unable to locate this, begin with where you feel RELIEF. This way of finding our path is so powerful because it is instinctual.
What FEELS GOOD is the umbrella of every sexual pleasure, and, in my belief system it also is a spiritual way of being!
Source ONE THING which we know will feel good, and go from there! If you know that you will like “x,” lets start there! We start within the metaphorical box, and then can slowly incorporate more, one thing at a time.
I personally choose to practice accepting things as they arrive as I believe that the present moment is exactly perfect…. if I feel drawn to touch at the back of my neck, I test it out with curiousity:
“Hm…how does this feel? Do I like this spot? This pressure?” Etc. And the decisions of what to try next come naturally! What you are drawn to will start to show itself!
One major block to allowing this exploration and expansion is addiction to our neat and tidy boxes. This is why literal addictions like addiction to porn ruins our sex lives! If we practice using one thing, one fantasy, one stroke style, etc, over and over, guess what!? Our brains LOVE routine and it creates habits QUICKLY! If you notice that you go to the same habit over and over, call yourself out (or let me, haha). If we masturbate the same way every time, if the stroke is repetitive, if sex becomes monotonous, we might find we are in a rut and prefer to try something different! The body might find this challenging and not even know that something different could lead to pleasure because we've taught it that this one thing you’ve become attached to is the only thing that leads to pleasure. Start retraining your brain and your body to find pleasure in new places!
You are deserving of love and pleasure!
GO GET IT, my loves!